


the Layers of Forever

by Oaklin



Series: Forever Everything [29]
Category: Elite Wrestling Revolution, Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Kevin is even worse somehow, M/M, Nightmares, Sami is super awkward, Sami is super bad at communication, Swearing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, also hello crack tags, also regular angst, didn't even warn you this time, i am a bad person and i am so sorry, mentions of Beef Wellington, obligatory Kevin Steen warning, stealth angst, stealth break-ups, stealth romance, the night is dark and devoid of fluff, you were missed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8981209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oaklin/pseuds/Oaklin
Summary: Because everyone needs a little space, now and then.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> Hoo boy. Let me just say, right off the bat, this is not a feel good fic. Even if Sami really, really wanted it to be.
> 
> Be warned! There are unpleasant themes in this one (aren't there always?) Nightmares and terrible conversations and bad friendship and co-dependency and all sorts of angst, for both 'real' and imagined reasons.
> 
> Now that that is out of the way, I hope you enjoy ^.^

He feels like he is suffocating.

Drowning in an ocean of blackness that pulls him under it’s inky surface. He falls through the void, choking on the sensory deprivation, trying to breath through the insidious fear.

(there is _nothing_ )

-hurts-

( **why** is there nothing)

- _hurts_ -

(I _**feel**_ like I’m **dying** )

- **hurts** -

(why can’t I feel _anything_ )

-make it _**stop**_ -

( ** _can’t breath_** )

Sami jerks upright, gasping for air and slamming backwards. He winces when something solid digs into his back and shifts, panic fading slowly into confusion as he takes in his surroundings.

(oh)

He leans back against the car door, the handle digging into his back painfully. He flinches slightly as he tips his head back, his skull pressing against the cool window.

It's not as comforting as he hoped it would be.

It's not as uncomfortable as it should be.

(right)

-not _safe_ -

Sami reaches up, curling a hand in his hair and forcing himself to breath steadily.

(it was just a dream)

- **not** -

( _No_. Just a dream.)

- ** _hurts_** -

“What the fuck is your problem?”

(oh)

Sami closes his eyes as a confusing mix of relief and anxiety roll over him, reaching out blindly toward the source of his confusion.

“Sorry. Did I wake you?” Sami mutters, fingers grasping for the cotton of a Metallica t-shirt.

“I wasn’t asleep.”

(why)

-shit-

“I- Kevin-” Sami blinks, scrunching his face up and sliding a hand over his forehead. He attempts to rein his thoughts in and articulate something other than incoherent sobbing.

“Sorry-”

“You apologized already. You didn’t answer my question either. What the fuck is wrong?”

“It’s not a big deal-”

“The fuck it isn’t.”

There is a dangerous growl in Kevin’s voice now and Sami flinches away.

(oh no)

Sami can’t look up. He doesn’t want to see the way Kevin’s hands shift away.

Sami hears rather than sees Kevin scoot back in the seat, moving away from Sami.

(no _wait_ -)

- **fuck** -

Sami shakes his head, biting his lip against a choked noise and reaches out again, twisting his fingers in fabric and leaning forward.

“Just- I’m fine. It was just a stupid dream. Can I just have a hug please?”

(rude)

He doesn’t wait for an answer.

Even as he acknowledges that as **_bad_** , he slides forward. It’s dark in the car though and Sami is shaking more than he wants to admit. Instead of shifting forward into Kevin’s embrace, Sami loses his balance on the seat and clumsily falls halfway into Kevin’s lap.

Sami doesn’t move, just rests his head on Kevin’s chest and breaths in all that makes his world turn.

- **so tired** -

“Sorry.”

“The fuck?” Kevin doesn’t move under him for a moment. Then he reaches up, wrapping his arms around Sami’s shoulders and holding him far too tight to be comfortable, his days old stubble digging into Sami’s forehead and his thick fingers curling painfully into Sami’s back.

-hurts-

(I know)

It is the best feeling Sami has ever had the privilege to experience.

( _better_ )

- **safe** -

( _ **home**_ )

“Fucking hell. Your fine. Relax. I’m-” Kevin’s voice falters and he squeezes Sami tighter, before shaking himself a bit and leaning down, his breath ghosting over Sami’s face.

“You’re fine.” Kevin finishes quietly.

“I am now.” Sami mutters into the still air that separates them, turning his face into the fabric of Kevin’s shirt and blinking against the drowsiness that threatens to swallow him.

At least it’s _sleep_ this time and not-

(whatever the **hell** that nightmare was)

- ** _nothing_** -

* * *

“I swear to fucking god, I’m never sleeping with you again.”

Sami chokes on his bagel, reaching up to cover his mouth. Grinding his teeth together, Sami shakes slightly as pained tears rolls down his cheeks. Pressing his lips together, he carefully draws in trembling breaths through his nose, looking wide eyed over at Kevin, who barely seems to be paying him any attention.

“What?” Sami rasps, his voice way too jittery and with a slight hysterical edge to it.

“You and your goddamn nightmares are going to drive me insane. For fucks sake, it’s like dealing with a child.” Kevin grumbles, not looking at Sami as he stalks by, a spare shirt over one shoulder and the EWR title dangling form his other hand.

( _oh_ )

- **well** -

( **that** makes more sense)

-yeah-

(I was...)

-confused?-

(yeah)

-sure that's- hey wait a minute!-

(huh?)

(oh)

(hey!)

“I apologized for waking you up." Sami grumbles, side-eyeing Kevin as he takes a careful bite of his breakfast.

(jerk- I didn’t-)

“I’m not your personal pillow you know.” Kevin gripes, throwing his shirt onto the hood of the car and flopping the tittle on top of the piece of clothing.

Sami looks down, nibbling on his bagel and avoiding eye contact.

“I know that. It was dumb and I was upset and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again I swear.”

Sami crumbles up the wrapper in his hands, watching the plastic shrivel in his hands for a moment before tossing it through the back seat window.

“When me and Beef finally get moved in, you won’t have to put up with my nightmares at all anymore. At least you have that to look forward to?” Sami says, his voice wavering off into uncertainty as a strange tightness grips his chest.

(damn it)

Kevin’s not looking at him, he’s hunched over the car. Both palms flat against the hood of the car, he seems to be staring at his reflection in the shiny face of the belt.

“At least I won’t have to haul you around anymore.” Kevin grumbles, more to the belt than to Sami.

Sami wonders why this conversation feels so somber all of a sudden.

(I thought he was mad about being woken up?)

-idiot-

(what?)

“No more road trips?” Sami asks, trying for upbeat and ending up with mournful instead.

(oh no)

Kevin turns his head toward Sami, squinting at him. His dark eyes are that horrible flavor of ice cold that makes Sami’s heartache.

(can we please not do this)

“I don’t know why you would want to go on a road trip with me when you're going to be so busy hanging out with-”

Sami pushes himself away from the car and makes an aborted attempt to walk over to Kevin. Kevin flashes him a scathing look before returning his gaze down to the belt, sneering at his own reflection.

Sami stops and stands there, unsure what to do.

(what is going _on_ )

-why does _**everything** _ have to be so-

“Hey, we could always-”

-sappy is a **bad idea** -

“-I mean, it’s not like I don’t _want_...”

- ** _bad idea_** -

Sami shakes his head and starts over, irritated with his own inability to articulate his thoughts properly.

(I **_need_** )

“This doesn’t have to be-”

-oh god, just **stop** -

Kevin snaps his head up, squinting at the morning sky for a heart beat before shaking his head restlessly. He glances over at Sami with an incomprehensible look for a breathless moment, then it all disappears before Sami can even process the emotions behind the look.

(dammit)

-aaaaaand it's gone-

“I don’t give a fuck.”

Sami flinches at the barely concealed bitterness in Kevin’s voice. Sighing, he runs a hand through his hair and desperately wishes for the words to make this conversation less awful.

-it's not **that** bad-

( ** _worst_** )

“Yeah,” Sami falters, his voice going far too shaky for his liking. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yeah, big life changes going on lately huh? Exiting.”

Kevin reaches down and brushes a rough hand over the face of the belt, an odd look forming on his face. Sami almost audibly breathes a sigh of relief at the expression.

(at least he’s letting himself feel _something_ )

-not **necessarily** a good thing-

“Not really.” Kevin says, his tone grating and still with far too much hostility.

-like he normally talks, then?-

Sami kicks at the ground, inhaling the morning air and trying for positivity, although he feels oddly choked up.

“Don’t say that. You have that-” Sami says, waving a hand at the belt laying on the hood of the car. It shines in the weak morning light, the glimmer slightly obscured by Kevin’s hand. “-so I know you’re less grumpy than you are pretending to be.”

Kevin snorts, the sound harsh and loud in the stilted air between them.

“Right. Top of the mountain right here.”

Kevin leans up, pulling himself all the way up into a standing position. He pauses for a minute, going completely still before shooting out a hand and snatching the belt off the hood of the car. He sways in one place, glaring at the belt dangling form his fingers like it is something he’s never seen before. An odd look creeps onto Kevin’s face the longer he gazes a the piece of leather and metal.

Sami tries to figure out what Kevin’s is internally fighting with, but for a heartbreaking minute he can’t actually read anything flashing across Kevin’s face.

(that’s never _happened_ before)

- **always** -

(I **_always_ ** know what Kevin is thinking)

-even when you don't _want_ to-

“Well,” Sami stammers, more thrown than he would like to admit, “I didn’t say that. You obviously have a long road to walk-”

Kevin snaps his head, eyes landing on Sami, something accusatory in his gaze. “Oh really? ** _I_** have a long road to walk? And you decided this when?”

Sami is rendered mute by complete confusion for a moment, blinking in utter bafflement and trying to parse out what the hell Kevin is even getting at. He shifts in one spot, nervous energy and a deep desire to fix whatever he has managed to break overwhelming him.

“What? Why are you being so hostile? Of course we have a long way to go. I mean, the gold is nice, but don’t you want to branch out? Fight for new goals? Dream new dreams?”

Kevin flinches like Sami slapped him. Sami internally panics at the motion, fearing that he had somehow managed to say the exact wrong thing again (something he seemed incapable of **not** doing, so far in this conversation) but Kevin inhales sharply, shooting Sami a distinct 'shut the fuck up’ look.

Sami snaps his open mouth shut, the desperate plea to _just calm down_ dying in his throat. Kevin looks back at the belt, a searching look on his face for a heartbeat, before he snorts again, this time softly and with a more muted disdain.

“You’re damn right. I’m not staying in these shitty whore houses any longer than I have to.” He throws the belt unceremoniously back down on the hood of the car and picks the spare shirt back up. “Besides. Dreams are for dumb fucks. Why sit around and have useless, unrealistic dreams when you can set attainable goals for yourself?”

Sami tries to speak but falters once more, when Kevin turns his head toward him and gives Sami a long, almost regretful look.

-wanna try and figure out what **_that one_** means?-

Sami looks away, coughing into a fist and trying to breath evenly.

“That's really inspiring! I like it. Goals instead of dreams. It’s so practical and also poetic, in a way.” Sami shoots Kevin a smile, feeling a bit lighter about the world all of a sudden, though the uncomfortable air still pulsates between them.

“You never told me you were a philosopher.” Sami says brightly, enjoying the eye roll that the statement earns him.

“Fuck you. I am not a philosopher and that wasn’t philosophy. You wouldn’t know philosophy if it sprung up out of the ground and bit you in the ass.”

Kevin slings the shirt over his shoulder and picks the belt up. Sami can’t help the amused chuckle he lets slip when Kevin gives him a grumpy look, though that just gets him yet another grumpy face and he giggles again.

Letting out an exasperated growl, Kevin flips Sami off, stalking around the car to the back and jerking the trunk open with more force than necessary.

Throwing the shirt and the belt in the trunk, Kevin slams the lid down, his eyes finding Sami’s.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you super subtly trying to distract me from the fact that I somehow still have to chauffeur your ginger ass around, even though you’re technically Beef’s problem now.”

Sami pouts, shuffling over to Kevin and bumping him gently with his elbow. Kevin doesn’t rear back form the touch or give Sami a dirty look, so Sami leans forward and rests his head on Kevin’s shoulder, trying for head butt, though he ends up more just leaning in to the contact.

(oh boy)

“Beef is still moving stuff in. I don’t have any place else to be. Even if I did, I would want to be **_here_ ** anyway.” Sami says, trying not to get lost in the way Kevin’s fingers come up and dig into his forearm.

With Sami’s head resting against Kevin’s shoulder and Kevin’s fingers on his skin, Sami swears he could fall asleep standing right here, enjoying the contact like he’s never felt the touch of another human before.

-it’s _different_ -

(it’s **Kevin** )

- ** _exactly_** -

**Author's Note:**

> For *some* reason, that ending doesn't feel good at all.
> 
> Such messes <3
> 
> By the way, for anyone unaware, that bit about dreams and goals is a super paraphrased bastardization of a conversation these two actually had at some point (it's been a while and I don't remember when they talked about it. Kevin mentioned the conversation in an interview he had possibly(?) back in his ROH days and Sami referenced it later at one of the Comic-Con panels(?) I believe. though it might have been talked about on the Kevin Steen Show) Well, it's the somewhat in-character version of that conversation at least. I'm not really sure why they went THAT route, but whatever. Melodramatic bbys gonna be melodramatic, I guess. Technically, that means that this has pretty close ties to Goals of Forever Dreams of Never , in more ways than just the whole nightmare theme.
> 
> Well, that's enough rambling for me. Hope you like it and have a good whatever-holiday-you-celebrate!


End file.
